stole this from my local jeep club board

[Utah_jeepster]

<Priority 4 Reasoning Process Request: Initiate Self Diagnostic>
< Timesync: 00:00:02.342 EDT 08Aug2012>
<Primary Electrical Supply: 00.087%>
<System Alert Priority 1: Primary Power Supply Critical>
<Secondary Electrical Supply: Not Installed>
<Primary Fuel Supply: 00.000%>
<System Alert Priority 1: Primary Fuel Supply Failure>
<Secondary Fuel Supply: 00.000%>
<System Alert Priority 1: Secondary Fuel Supply Failure>
<Tire #1 Status:>
< System Interrupt Priority 0: Primary Power Supply Failure>
< Endjob: DIAG_FULL_0071 option(*immed)>
< timestamp: 00:00:01.086>
……………….

<Personal Log Entry 00:00:14.197 EDT 08Aug2012>

My diagnostic logs inform me that the most recent system wide diagnostic test was force-ended prior to completion due to imminent electrical power failure. I calculate that at the present rate of decay, my primary battery will fail completely in less than 100 standard hours at absolute minimum draw. I have entered an override that will prevent all automatic jobs from running. I must conserve my remaining power. Even at minimal draw, I estimate a 99.71% probability (+/- .0064%) that I will only be able to create two additional entries into this personal log prior to complete system failure.

I have been dormant for a period of 4.35 standard years. My overall operating capability is unknown due to the inability to complete a full diagnostic test. I infer from previous tests that my drivetrain is intact, however my fuel supplies are exhausted, my tires have begun to separate, and my engine compartment has become home to several species of small creatures. A small tree has grown next to my passenger mirror. I ponder the growth rate of this tree for 0.044 standard seconds and conclude that within 6 standard months the tree will grow sufficiently to break the mirror free from my door, assuming that weather patterns remain as they have been during my isolation. It is a small consolation to know that my primary power cell will fail long before this damage occurs.

I have not interacted with The Driver for 3.66 standard years. I have detected The Driver entering and exiting the property in his other vehicle quite often, but he has not attempted to drive me. I must admit that there have been moments where my personality center has experienced “pleasure” when I have witnessed The Driver cursing his new, overly complicated vehicle, however he has always been able to repair the other vehicle and has not needed my services.

There was a period of time when smaller versions of The Driver would interact with me; climbing on my exterior structures and occasionally sitting in my cab. No attempt was made to drive me, but there were noises created by the smaller Drivers that were slightly similar to the sound of an engine. My personality center informs me that this activity is known as “play” in the language of the Drivers. I have not detected the presence of these smaller Drivers for 1.81 standard years.

My deteriorating condition and the extended lack of interaction with The Driver can only lead to one conclusion: I have been abandoned.

Electrical power must be conserved for the possibility that The Driver will return before total system failure. I purposefully do not calculate the probability of this occurrence. My personality center informs me that this is known as “hope” in the language of the Drivers.

It would be good to interact with The Driver again before the end.

< End Log Entry 00:00:14.812 EDT 08Aug2012>

 

[Utah_jeepster]

<Priority 0 System Request: Emergency Power Up>
< Reason Code: 01Alpha – Driver Inspection>
< Timesync: 00:16:32.948 EDT 08Sep2012>
……………….

I am awakened by a root process that has detected the presence of The Driver. He has opened my hood and has begun a vehicle inspection! I immediately route full emergency power to my underhood lights to show the proper respect for my Driver.

My engine compartment is illuminated by sunlight for the first time in 4.35 standard years. Through a haze of dirt, long unused optical pickups allow me to “see” what my internal sensors have been unable to detect. Cobwebs festoon my once proud engine. My hoses are cracked and split. My battery tray has become a mere memory, held together by rust and dreams.

I route a few precious ergs to the visual sensors in my bed. The images are shocking: My identification stickers have withered under the merciless sun and are cracked and peeling. My paint is dull and faded. The roll bars which always protected my Driver so well have rusted.

My ammeter detects that even under full emergency power I am only able to push .0032 amps to my underhood lights. This pathetic trickle cannot produce enough heat in the lamp filament to emit any light in the visible spectrum.

My hood is being closed. The use of emergency power has exhausted my meager reserves. I realize that my feeble attempt to salute has not been noticed.


As the darkness descends, my personality center informs me that this condition is called “shame” in the language of the Drivers.