felix_santi
New member
Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re:
http://www.compfused.com/directlink/181/
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/
KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO
Alabama
Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska
11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona
But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas
Literacy Ain't Everything
California
By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut
Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
Delaware
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia
We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois
Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa
We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas
First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana
We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine
We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland
If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
Michigan
First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota
10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi
Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana
Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies,
and Very Little Else
Nebraska
Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada
Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire
Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey
You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico
Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York
You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
You Have The Right To An Attorney...
North Carolina
Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota
We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio
At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma
Like The Play, But No Singing
Oregon
Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania
Cook With Coal
Rhode Island
We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina
Remember The Civil War?
Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet
South Dakota
Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee
The Edyoocashun State
Texas
Se Hablo Ingles
Utah
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont
Ay, Yep
Virginia
Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington
We have more rain than you do
West Virginia
One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin
Come Cut The Cheese!
Wyoming
Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
A recent news story detailed a medical implant which offers women the chance to experience orgasms with the press of a button. Tiny electrodes are implanted into the spine and a small signal generator in the skin under the buttocks. The patient then controls the sensation with a handheld remote.
Side effects of the implant:
1. Dramatic increase in the number of women seen hanging out at Radio Shack.
2. Cosmopolitan magazine folds due to a drastic shortage of cover story headlines.
3. Dad now surfs with two remotes and Mom never complains
4. She never wants to cuddle anymore -- it's click, click, click, and she's out the door.
5. The Baptists hurriedly draft an extra Commandment.
6. Thanks to a malfunctioning garage door opener, you're looking at 600 bucks to fix the hole your wife kicked in the dashboard of your SUV.
7. "Not tonight, Honey. I have a thumbache."
8. Finally, size really *doesn't* matter.
9. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention... I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention... I'm sorry..."
10. Side effects? Who cares about... oh... oh... OH, GOD! YESSSSSS!!!!
___________
Chuck was sitting in an airplane when another fellow took a seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck....pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.
"Hey pal, what's the matter?" Chuck asked.
"Oh man.... I've been transferred to Florida," the other guy answered, "there's crazy people in Florida....and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate...."
"Hold on" Chuck interrupted, "I've lived in Florida all my life and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh thank you. I've been worried to death but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?", said Chuck, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck in Palm Beach."
___________
Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."
So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."
Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"
Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."
So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.
Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.
The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more f**king ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"
____________
In a sex-shop.
Lady: "I want a good vibrator"
Salesman: "Ma'am you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall"
Lady: "O.K. I'll take that red one"
Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher"
___________
Dateline: 2025
Having been accepted in the tennis community for the last 15 years now, some are questioning whether steroids should once again be banned. Here we see the winner of the women's open jumping the net to congratulate her opponent.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/050426/480/mdsr10104261619
_____________
Funny commercial
http://hornyferret.com/component/option,com_movies/task,watch/Itemid,4/id,161/
________
Yo mama's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back shaking it's head.
Yo mama's so ugly, when the terminator said "I'll be back" he left running.
Yo mama's so ugly, Yo daddy tosses the ugly stick and she fetches it every time.
Yo mama's so ugly, she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit with the ugly log.
Yo mama's so ugly, she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she ran through the whole damn forest.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo Mamma:
Yo Mama's so FAT, no one can talk behind her back.
Yo Mama's so fat, I threw an orange at her ass......the orange went into orbit.
Yo Mama's so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds.
Yo Mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo Mama's so fat, when she bends over we go into daylight savings time.
______________
All that meat & no potatoes!
http://users.bigpond.net.au/KEZ/Captions.htm
_________
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
Asleep on the beach
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn.
He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns.
He was already starting to blister and in agony. The doctor prescribed continuous intravenous
feeding with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, rather astounded, said, "What good will Viagra do him?"
The doctor replied, "It'll keep the sheets off his legs."
Enjoy and happy trails.. 8)
http://www.compfused.com/directlink/181/
http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/
KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO
Alabama
Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska
11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona
But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas
Literacy Ain't Everything
California
By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut
Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
Delaware
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia
We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois
Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa
We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas
First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana
We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine
We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland
If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
Michigan
First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota
10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi
Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana
Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies,
and Very Little Else
Nebraska
Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada
Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire
Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey
You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico
Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York
You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
You Have The Right To An Attorney...
North Carolina
Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota
We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio
At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma
Like The Play, But No Singing
Oregon
Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania
Cook With Coal
Rhode Island
We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina
Remember The Civil War?
Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet
South Dakota
Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee
The Edyoocashun State
Texas
Se Hablo Ingles
Utah
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont
Ay, Yep
Virginia
Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington
We have more rain than you do
West Virginia
One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin
Come Cut The Cheese!
Wyoming
Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
A recent news story detailed a medical implant which offers women the chance to experience orgasms with the press of a button. Tiny electrodes are implanted into the spine and a small signal generator in the skin under the buttocks. The patient then controls the sensation with a handheld remote.
Side effects of the implant:
1. Dramatic increase in the number of women seen hanging out at Radio Shack.
2. Cosmopolitan magazine folds due to a drastic shortage of cover story headlines.
3. Dad now surfs with two remotes and Mom never complains
4. She never wants to cuddle anymore -- it's click, click, click, and she's out the door.
5. The Baptists hurriedly draft an extra Commandment.
6. Thanks to a malfunctioning garage door opener, you're looking at 600 bucks to fix the hole your wife kicked in the dashboard of your SUV.
7. "Not tonight, Honey. I have a thumbache."
8. Finally, size really *doesn't* matter.
9. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention... I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention... I'm sorry..."
10. Side effects? Who cares about... oh... oh... OH, GOD! YESSSSSS!!!!
___________
Chuck was sitting in an airplane when another fellow took a seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck....pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.
"Hey pal, what's the matter?" Chuck asked.
"Oh man.... I've been transferred to Florida," the other guy answered, "there's crazy people in Florida....and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate...."
"Hold on" Chuck interrupted, "I've lived in Florida all my life and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh thank you. I've been worried to death but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?", said Chuck, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck in Palm Beach."
___________
Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."
So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."
Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"
Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."
So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.
Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.
The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more f**king ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"
____________
In a sex-shop.
Lady: "I want a good vibrator"
Salesman: "Ma'am you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall"
Lady: "O.K. I'll take that red one"
Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher"
___________
Dateline: 2025
Having been accepted in the tennis community for the last 15 years now, some are questioning whether steroids should once again be banned. Here we see the winner of the women's open jumping the net to congratulate her opponent.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/050426/480/mdsr10104261619
_____________
Funny commercial
http://hornyferret.com/component/option,com_movies/task,watch/Itemid,4/id,161/
________
Yo mama's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back shaking it's head.
Yo mama's so ugly, when the terminator said "I'll be back" he left running.
Yo mama's so ugly, Yo daddy tosses the ugly stick and she fetches it every time.
Yo mama's so ugly, she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit with the ugly log.
Yo mama's so ugly, she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she ran through the whole damn forest.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo Mamma:
Yo Mama's so FAT, no one can talk behind her back.
Yo Mama's so fat, I threw an orange at her ass......the orange went into orbit.
Yo Mama's so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds.
Yo Mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo Mama's so fat, when she bends over we go into daylight savings time.
______________
All that meat & no potatoes!
http://users.bigpond.net.au/KEZ/Captions.htm
_________
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
Asleep on the beach
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn.
He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns.
He was already starting to blister and in agony. The doctor prescribed continuous intravenous
feeding with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, rather astounded, said, "What good will Viagra do him?"
The doctor replied, "It'll keep the sheets off his legs."
Enjoy and happy trails.. 8)
