blonde horseback near tragedy

unclebill

unclebill

New member
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
 
Just for the record, I am, but youve got to do alot more than feed my old nag a quarter to get him moving! No worries!!
 
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.



However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"


For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret. I don't want to hear a nother word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.

John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car."



Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted,

"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN NOW, YAH HERE ME!!!"

Meet Coldwater--
 

:D:D:D
Good one, had the wife saying "Gross, gross.... yeach"
 
A woman working one day at grocery noticed a man wondering the aisles.
With a pleasant smile on her face she asked him if he needed some help.
With some embarrassment he said yes, my wife sent me to the store to buy some tampons.
The woman smiled kindly at his embarrassment saying feminine protection is on aisle 10 two rows over.
The man thanked her and walked that way.
Later she saw the same man walk up to her while she was working at the cash register, but he didn’t have any tampons. He put down a roll of kite string and a bag of cotton balls.
Confused at his selection she asked him, weren’t you looking for feminine protection for your wife?
The man smiled, yes, but you see, the other day I asked my wife to buy me a pack of cigarettes, but she came home with a can of tobacco and some rolling papers telling me to roll my own, it was cheaper.
 
Utah_jeepster said:
A woman working one day at grocery noticed a man wondering the aisles.
With a pleasant smile on her face she asked him if he needed some help.
With some embarrassment he said yes, my wife sent me to the store to buy some tampons.
The woman smiled kindly at his embarrassment saying feminine protection is on aisle 10 two rows over.
The man thanked her and walked that way.
Later she saw the same man walk up to her while she was working at the cash register, but he didn’t have any tampons. He put down a roll of kite string and a bag of cotton balls.
Confused at his selection she asked him, weren’t you looking for feminine protection for your wife?
The man smiled, yes, but you see, the other day I asked my wife to buy me a pack of cigarettes, but she came home with a can of tobacco and some rolling papers telling me to roll my own, it was cheaper.
Click to expand...

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:My wife would kill me.
 

i remember the 1st time i had sex.






because i kept the receipt........
 
once i went to Hawaii
i thought everybody would be wearing grass skirts,eating macadamia nuts
and wearing those coconut shell halves on their breasts.
but i was the only one.....
 
This ****es me off, I put the stupid quarters in and all I got was a 30 second ride, just because she is blond, the horse goes one and one for minutes.
 

jps4jeep said:
This ****es me off, I put the stupid quarters in and all I got was a 30 second ride, just because she is blond, the horse goes one and one for minutes.
Click to expand...
sounds like it's time to put that ol horse down.....
 
Is this add-a-joke thread? Heres a keeper

>
> Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of
> London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him
> in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat
> down in the aisle eat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his
> shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the
> Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get
> a Coke."
> "Don't get up," said the Marine,
> "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for
> you."
> As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the
> Marine's shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned
> with the Coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good,
> I'd really like one, too."
> Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While
> he was gone, the other Arab picked up the Marine's other
> shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat
> back and enjoyed the flight.
> As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet
> into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He
> leaned over and asked the Arab neighbors... "Why does
> it have to be this way? How long must this go on? This
> fighting between nations? This hatred? This animosity? This
> spitting in shoes and ****ing in Cokes?"
!
 
After the Blond's amorous boyfriend blows in her ear she gratefully replies..."thanks for the fill-up!" :shades:
 

unclebill said:
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
Click to expand...

Note to self: Lisa - stay AWAY from the Wal-mart ponies.:lol::D
 
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